Eye Roll Special

JOHN adds: This is a time, sadly, when scoundrels are in control in Congress. Slander is what they do best.

Attention: Plummeting and Gravity are Somehow Related

A Chilling Vision of the Future

After destroying America's economy George W. Bush is driven from office. His own fortune swallowed in a Ponzi scheme originated by Vice-President-in-Perpetuity Cheney (Bush was last to join) and his parental allowance cut off until he pays the country back for breaking its window, Bush seeks employment, knowing Social Security will not be there to bail him out. Lacking talent, experience, skill in the English language or good will from anyone who can place his face, he finds the job market unforgiving.

Job 1: The Payroll Loan Cashier
Bush works long evenings alone in a glass booth in the loaning cash at exorbitant interest rates to the desperate, a job he keeps for months as his customers are too defeated to complain about the contempt he holds them in. He is eventually robbed, soiling himself when confronted with a gun. The day-shift uploads the surveillance video to YouTube and Bush quits.

Job 2: The Telephone Solicitor
Unable to coherently read his script aloud, Bush alarms several elderly individuals who call Homeland Security. Bush's employers take time out from insurance rip-off promotion to point and laugh when officers apply modest physical pressure to their soon-to-be-fired employee in an attempt to gather information relating to whatever they make up on the spot.

Job 3: The Blogger
After one post, the complete text of which is a title reading "is this werking hello hello", Bush abandons this surefire route to riches. The librarians are relieved not to have "that guy" hanging around any more.

Job 4: The Sandwich-Board Clowner
Bush wears a rainbow wig and clown nose with a sandwich board advertising Tailfins, a car-wash featuring bikini-clad young women. The owner of Tailfins realizes quickly that bikini-clad women would be better at advertising bikini-clad women, and Bush's brief and unsuccessful tenure is cut short thanks to market efficiency.

Job 5: The Salter
Among other chores, Bush applies salt to French fries at a Wendy's. He is warned and then fired after customer complaints follow his experiments with a so-called "Salt and Awe" technique. After briefly threatening to become the Assaulter, taller men persuade him to leave.

Asshole Present and Accounted For

Disturbing, If True

This is Not Convincing

Chastened

Let Me Through! I Can Help!

I'm an aromatherapist!

Divine Kiddie-Rape

I suppose it's easy to agree that some Christian churches get some things more wrong than the Roman Catholic Church does, that is if you buy any of the main assumptions in the first place, but which major Christian church has been so poor in preventing the insertion of its clergy's extremities into children? Mote or beam, buddy, mote or beam?

School of Hard Cock-Blocks

Why can't I be married?
Being married means you have a sentimental commitment, and at Zamorano we expect students to be focused on their studies. We do not want him/her to think about what is happening elsewhere, or about people who could be depending on him/her financially. In summary, his energy and responsibilities should be aimed at successfully completing his degree.

Just for fun:

The Pan-American Agricultural School, better known as Zamorano, was born of the inspiration and through the support of Mr. Samuel Zemurray, President of the United Fruit Company in the United States of America.

The Wikipedia on the UFC.

With regard to the title above the proprietors must acknowledge that blockage of the vaginal region may theoretically be assumed for women as well, however they, in their purity and innocence, do not like sex.

Gee, Things Were Different Back Then?

Boo hoo.

Preserved Coloured in for Posterity

Actual page here but the page as of this posting is below.



I suppose I should mention that Jonah Goldberg is an ass who is astonishingly easy to make fun of.

Puppet Government

Elmo is the only Muppet ever to testify before the U.S. Congress. At the request and with the assistance of Rep. Duke Cunningham, he testified before the House Appropriations Subcommittee on Labor, Health and Human Services and Education in April 2002, urging support for increased funding in music education.