God's a Shit

Found a copy of "To a Baby Born Without Limbs" from The Anti-Death League by my favourite cranky Tory Kingsley Amis:

This is just to show you who's boss around here.
It'll keep you on your toes, so to speak,

Make you put your best foot forward, so to speak,

And give you something to turn your hand to, so to speak.

You can face up to it like a man,

Or snivel and blubber like a baby.

That's up to you. Nothing to do with Me.

If you take it in the right spirit,

You can have a bloody marvelous life,

With the great rewards courage brings,

And the beauty of accepting your LOT.

And think how much good it'll do your Mum and Dad,

And your Grans and Gramps and the rest of the shower,

To be stopped being complacent.

Make sure they baptize you, though,

In case some murdering bastard

Decides to put you away quick,

Which would send you straight to LIMB-O, ha ha ha.

But just a word in your ear, if you've got one.

Mind you DO take this in the right spirit,

And keep a civil tongue in your head about Me.

Because if you DON'T,

I've got plenty of other stuff up My sleeve,

Such as leukemia and polio,

(Which incidentally you're welcome to any time,

Whatever spirit you take this in.)

I've given you one love-pat, right?

You don't want another.

So watch it, Jack.