Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Dumbest Column of the New Year

Here is a very stupid person:
One Pissed-Off Dude
by Gary Graham

I’m an American. This has always been my favorite label, but of late even that has seemed to mean less and less. Being called an American used to carry with it a certain pride and esprit de corps that now apparently is dated and passe. How else can one explain the rash of America-haters in our midst who only claim pride in America if a Leftist resides in the White House, and can only back a war effort if the decision to go to war was that of a Democrat.
Okay okay, my attention span is that of a three-year old so I'm not gonna go too far here, but...
You see, I’m one pissed-off dude.
WHOA! I am stunned that some asshole who uses "America-haters" with a straight face is not a calm and collected gentleman but a pissed-off dude!
I’m told I’ll hurt my career if I continually spout off about Liberalism — which I see as a growing cancer in our society. Worldwide, I’ve seen Liberalism metastasize into virulent incarnations of Socialism, and, left unchecked, even into its malignant cousin, Communism. Only the arrogant or the somnambulist would think such a thing could never happen here. [...] The fact that the thievery is done at the behest of a ‘civilized’ government does not sanitize the crime.

“At least the highwayman has the decency to wear a mask.” – Author unknown.
Okay, liberals are communists and socialists and thieves and also cancer...
I don’t want to get along with the Left. I want to take them down. I want to expose their idiocy for what it is and reveal it as a harmful, dangerous succession of lies and deceptions.
Okay, we're dangerous idiots who lie and deceive...
I’m pissed off that everyone seems okay on having to press one for English.
We force businesses to make money by dealing with their customers...
I’m pissed that my sweet well-wishing friends and acquaintances now say “Happy Holidays” instead of Merry Christmas.
We succeeded in destroying Christmas - YAY!
Can we all stop taking ourselves so damn seriously for half a minute? Hey – life ain’t a popularity contest. So grow a pair. Speak your mind and if someone can’t handle it, request that they take a hike.
Ooo, an opening: fuck you, moron.
It irks me that Democrats are always looking to raise my taxes. I’m patriotic if I take it up the bum and don’t squeal. [...] I regard people who advocate [raising taxes] in the same vein as I would the burglar I confront in the dead of night – an enemy.
So liberals raise taxes and make you have gay sex and we're your enemies...
I’m pissed that I study the political issues of the day, educate myself, stay informed daily by a multitude of news sources from all slants…and yet, come election day, my informed vote is cancelled by some numbskull who votes for the nicest smile
Liberals only vote for the guy they'd have a beer with...
I’m pissed off by how soft many in our nation have become. How whimpy the tone, how spineless the resolve. What happened to that brutally real notion that people should be held responsible for his or her actions? Nowadays, it always seems to be someone else’s fault, whatever it is. Got a life of poverty, it’s rich folks doing it to you.
Got a life of whininess? It's liberals doing it to you.
Who can identify virtue, when there is no shame?
INDEED.
And speaking of shame…have you on the Left no shame when it comes to calling evil EVIL? What’s in a name — a terrorist by any other name is a ‘Jihadist’. A freedom fighter. A rebel. But when are we going to admit that there is an evil movement out there dedicated to our destruction.
Y'know, only a little further on he complains about people calling George W. Bush evil... but here's the punchline:
Lastly…can we finally be done with all the hatred?
Muted trombone honk.

(Thank you I think to Principal Blackman.)

9 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Ahh, R.B. just give him an "F" for originality and be done with it.

And then enjoy the war between wonkette and the PUMAs.
~

Righteous Bubba said...

Ahh, R.B. just give him an "F" for originality and be done with it.

It's an A for following the recipe.

Lesley said...

The pièce de résistance is the muted trombone honk in my liberal opinion.

RB should be writing over at SN.

Lesley said...

P.S. The two-bit actor's web site http://www.garygraham.com/ is quite amusing, especially Gary's Corner - sample essay on Mexicans by Gary - and his celebrity wallpaper. Site design leaves a lot to be desired.

Righteous Bubba said...

Thank you for the compliment Lesley but I don't think I'm worthy. Still editing for clarity and all that.

Also: war with Mexico seems like a brilliant idea. He's had a great time there as a tourist!

Lesley said...

Wolcott ripped Gary Gorman a new one, too.
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/wolcott/2009/01/is-there-no-escaping-this.html

Another Kiwi said...

Socialists are so lucky to have communism as a malignant cousin. My malignant cousin is Warwick and cheats at Hungry Hippos.

Righteous Bubba said...

You look down when you're playing Hungry Hippos, which presents an ideal opportunity to catch a cheater unaware by klonking him in the head with a large rock.

Another Kiwi said...

Yeah, but then you get in trouble from your Mum.