Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Information YOU Can USE

Gentlemen, SHIELD THE EYES OF YOUR CHILDREN, for these are
Strange facts about the father of evolution
YES THEY ARE! For it seems that
Darwin was squeaky clean, but not everything about him was normal
By Robin Lloyd
updated 1:19 p.m. PT, Wed., Feb. 11, 2009
Did I not warn you? Don your protective gear AS WE LEARN THESE STRANGE FACTS WHICH ARE EDITED FOR BREVITY!
Stinky feet [...]
Tough dad [...]
Seasick [...]
Missing the boat — Darwin almost missed the boat (OK, the ship) that took him to the Galapagos Islands [...]
Iffy on marriage [...]
Foot-dragger — Darwin delayed the publication of On the Origin of Species for more than two decades [...]
Almost scooped — In the late 1850s, it became clear to Darwin that British naturalist Alfred Russel Wallace also had come up with a similar theory of evolution [...]
Ho-hum reaction — The publication of Darwin's and Wallace's work was a non-event at first. [...]
Family losses — Darwin and his wife had 10 children, but three of them died at young ages [...]
Christian, then agnostic [...]
Sickly life — Darwin was incapacitated by various illnesses of unknown origin for much of his adult life [...]
I have said that Robin Lloyd refused to tell me what final horror made her scream out so insanely-a horror which, I feel sadly sure, is mainly responsible for her present breakdown. We had snatches of shouted conversation above the wind’s piping and the engine’s buzzing as we reached the safe side of the range and swooped slowly down toward the camp, but that had mostly to do with the pledges of secrecy we had made as we prepared to leave the nightmare city. Certain things, we had agreed, were not for people to know and discuss lightly-and I would not speak of them now but for the need of heading off that Gregg Easterbrook Expedition, and others, at any cost. It is absolutely necessary, for the peace and safety of mankind, that some of earth’s dark, dead corners and unplumbed depths be let alone; lest sleeping abnormalities wake to resurgent life, and blasphemously surviving nightmares squirm and splash out of their black lairs to newer and wider conquests.

Immediately after composing this I noticed that the author obligingly seeks out Gregg Easterbrook for some fucking reason.


tigris said...

DEAR GOD NO NOT STINKY FEET... Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!

J— said...

Stink fett. When he was 12. This, of course, changes everything.

Another Kiwi said...

"You care for nothing but shooting, dogs and rat-catching
"You say this as if it is a bad thing, father!

Another Kiwi said...

I read Easterbrook and now I haz sad

Mendacious D said...

Jeez, everyone's getting in on this Facebook meme thing now...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

It's safer to believe in God, RB.

Cause what if he's real!??!

herr doktor bimler said...

I was just reading* a thread over at Pharyngula, about Anomalocaris and its later relatives, and half the commenters there were investing heavily in At the Mountains of Madness quotations.


*i.i. "Lowering the level of discourse at".

Righteous Bubba said...

Cause what if he's real!??!

I can finally have swirled unicorn ice-cream!